My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize