:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
