what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
