i was born a porn star she said
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
