You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who died my cat blue again?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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