I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
