if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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