And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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