We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
