your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
