Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
