oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
