well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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