Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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