Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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