I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
