The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
