This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
