I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
