I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
