I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
