Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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