we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
