Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
