WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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