I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
