it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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