dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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