Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So squirting runs in the family.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
