He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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