her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I party with great urgency now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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