bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
