he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
