Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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