I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
