rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
