So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
