So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
