i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
