Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
