If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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