Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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