I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize