He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
