dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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