you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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