i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
