I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
