Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I puked a lego.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
