My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
