So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
