careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
