so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
