There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
