i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
