oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
