my vag is so smooth its legendary
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
