just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
