All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
