He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
