I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
