Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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