I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize