Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
