I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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