She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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