Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
