i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
