It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Boobs are out for the taking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
