He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If that was your dad, he is hot
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
