He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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